I love You, Son, and happy birthday, but if I hear Paul McCartney sing "Wonderful Christmas Time" one more time, I'M gonna declare a War on Christmas! That song couldn't suck any harder if Jenna Jameson sang it. No offense to My more puritanical followers.
I'd say McCartney's got one foot in Hell for singing it, but it's probably not Right of Me to bring up the whole Heather Mills thing again. I mean, it's gotta be weird being married to someone who's a foot shorter than you.
The best part for me is I get Chanukah presents, too! Once you get past the whole crucifixion thing, being Jewish AND the Christian Messiah is a sweet deal! I encourage everyone to try it! On top of which, I even get the occasional Festivus pole!
Anyway, thanks, Dad for that, uh, cheery Birthday wish. And MERRY MEMAS everyone!
On the Day of Frigga 11:10
PARADISE LOST
The City of Angels should have been the most beautiful in the world. Near-perfect climate, fertile soil, spectacular coastline, mountains, beaches, skiing two hours drive away.
You all managed to fuck this one up more than Beirut.
Humans, generally, were a big mistake - I'll give you that - but I have a few treasured creations: Angelina Jolie, Gina Lollobrigida, Raquel Welch, Wee Man, Beer, Dino Ferrari 246 GT, Chocolate Covered Raisins and ......... Britney Spears. But boy does she fuck up! It's taken months of coaxing and of wet dreams about other men to steer her away from K Fed.
It's like a trip -- but I wouldn't know what that is would I Dad?
On the Day of Tiw 10:17
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU REFUSE TO PRAY
A kangaroo lies dead in the back seat of a car after crashing through the windscreen, killing the driver.
The vehicle was on the Muir Highway on Sunday, near Manjimup, 300km
south of Perth, Australia, when a car moving in the other direction hit
the kangaroo, pushing it into the path of the victim's car.
You better listen this time because I'm not coming down there again. I hate moving. The big problem with moving isn't packing. The big problem with packing is moving. I love packing. I hate moving. Packing is fun because I like opening and closing things, as long as zippers are involved.
On the Day of Saturn 10:14
HOT BITCHES BEWARE
Halloween is nearly here and I will be visiting you as Princess Dogleia. You have been warned.
Because you are reading this, you know that I now blog. I also like to read other blogs for research and that mortals are an endless source of amusement to me, akin to an ant farm. All this information needs organizing so I started to use del.icio.us . What a piece of shit that site is. Confusing as all hell (which believe me is very confusing). Links move around, don't really know whether something's been added. And most annoyingly I forget how to spell the damned thing.
Digg knocks the absolute pants off of deli..sh..us ... fuck!
